Community Bible Chapel
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
A place to grow.... where everybody is somebody and Jesus Christ is Lord.
 11/3/13  Experiencing God’s Dream for Your Marriage
Husbands and Wives Roles of Provision and Respect
 
          Last week we spent a lot of time learning about God’s provision to His church.
                   -We unpacked II Peter 1:3
                             “His divine power has given us everything we need for life
and godliness.”
                   -We focused on that because we want to grow, not only in our
 understanding but also in our application of the power that God
has provided for us to live a God pleasing life.
                   -We are not shooting for brain deep - but life deep,
because a changed heart is a changing life.  
-And in the context of our study on marriage, when we apply those
 principles and power, we see that
marriage is Progressive Sanctification on steroids.
                   -There is no other relationship that reveals my sin nature as quickly
and clearly as in my marriage.
So, let’s start into these third complementary roles of husband and wife today.
 
X  Husbands Provide For Their Wives
The provision of husbands to their wives needs to look much like Christ’s                         provision to his church.
          -We are not talking about providing everything that our wives may desire
-We are not talking about providing a six figure income or a comfortable
 retirement or a new car.
                   -We are talking about providing our wives with the kind of husband
                             that Jesus is to His church. 
          I Peter 3:7
“Husbands, in the same way
(by the way, that refers to 2:7 - precious stone)  be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
     -Husbands, being the stronger partner, have the ability to dibilitate, destroy,
and crush our wives into submission to us.
                   -Peter speaks to something very different than that.
-He commands us to be sensitive and understanding with our wives
so we can provide a foundation of Christ likeness to build on.
-So, let me focus on some areas that husbands can not afford to be passive
in providing for their wives
          X  Spiritually
                   -I don’t know why this is, but men are generally spiritually lazy.
                   -If I were to pinpoint one thing that is under-provided in families,
it would be that men are not providing a Spiritual/Godly place
for there wives to grow.
                   -Most men are content to let their wives go to church, serve others,
                             and read the Bible.
                   -Men spend lots of time and energy at work and at play, but not much time
                                      in providing a spiritual place for their wives to be
growing spiritually.
                   -That is evidenced when we move our family.
                             -What is the reason?
                                      -It’s our job, then we get there and can’t find a church. 
                             -That is totally backwards.
                             -Find the church, and then look for work.
                   -Now, I know that sometimes a work related move is necessary because
 we do have to provide financially for our family.
                             -But in my short experience, most moves are made with the spiritual
                                      provision as an afterthought.
                   -And that wouldn’t be as much of an issue if the husband was providing
                             spiritually for his family, but he is usually not.
                   -And I’m not talking about things that are way out of your reach.
                   -The basic disciplines of Bible reading, study, prayer, church and serving
together as husband and wife, would go along way.
                  
          X  Emotionally
              -Our wives are emotional people.
                   -As husbands, we need to understand their emotional ups and downs.
                   -But not only understand them, we have to provide stability in them.
                   -And the best way to do that is be being emotionally stable ourselves.
                             -In that stability of God’s provision,
I’m learning to re-direct my anger.
                                       “. . . quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,
                                                for man’s anger dows not bring about the righteous
life that God desires.”  James 1
                                      -There is nothing more damaging to my wife, when she is
emotionally upset, than when I’m flying off the handle
      and yelling at her or giving her the cold shoulder.
                                      -She is looking for something solid to stand on and if I’m not
 following Christ, that won’t be me.
                                      -Calmly solving problems provides a peace loving, calm,
and secure place to stand together in hands of God.
                             -In that stability of God’s provision, I’m learning to redirect
 my sadness.
                                      “Rejoice in the Lord, and I say it again, rejoice. 
The Lord is near.”  Phil 4
                                      -Jesus came to restore sin and it’s hardships.
                                      -Moaping around the house sets a tone of tension and stress,
even is it’s not directed at your wife
                                      -Living in the joy of the Lord and His complete provision
provides for the development of gentleness, love,
and joy.
                              -Gal 5 lists what many homes look like.
                                      “Sexual immorality, idolatry, hatred, discord, jealousy, rage,
                                         selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness.”
                                  -That leaves everybody in an emotional train wreck
that destroys oneness in the relationship!
                                      -Husbands have to be active in providing an emotionally
 stable place in the midst of life’s ups and downs.
                                      -And since husbands can also be emotionally up and down,
                                                they have to get that stability from Christ . . .
                                                “who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.”
                                                -Only in Christ will a husband find the stability he
       needs to be a stable place for his wife to stand on.
-Paul tells us to live by the Spirit - that’s emotional stability.
                                                “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
                                                          faithfulness, gentleness, self control.”
                                      -Those are the things that should characterize our home.
          X  Physically
              -There is something to be said for getting up each day and going
off to work.
                             -Providing for your wife and family.
                             -And more important than the dollars you earn
is the security that going to work brings to your wife.
-Knowing that she is important enough to you that you will get
out of bed and face the harshness of the world
to provide for her.
                    -Sometimes we forget that work is not a result of the curse.
- Adam was meant to work and care for the garden.
 
                             -The result of the curse meant that the work became hard
(by the sweat of our brow) and not as productive
(thorns and thistles).
                   -Husbands have to aviod the ditches on the road of provision.
*Rebellion against God by being lazy and not using your abilities
to provide for God’s glory.
 *Rebellion against God by not governing our desire to produce
 much more than we need and overworking. 
                             -Either of these sinful extremes will cause in-security in your
relationship with your wife.
-She will either resent that you don’t think enough of her
to go to work and that you are wasting your abilities .
    -Or she will resent that you have replaced relationship          and
 love for her with greed,  your love for recognition,
                   or spending time with other things than her.
                             -Godly husbands provide for their wives and and aviod the ditches.
 
          X  Relationally
                   -And husbands wonder:  Relationship?  What is that?
                   -Let me spell it out in the most simple way possible:     X    TIME
                   -Nothing spells relationship like spending time together.
                   -And in the context of that time spent together,
here are some things that need to be in place.
                   1.  Right Motives
                             -Time by itself will not spell relationship if all my focus is on
                                      myself.
                             -To love my wife like Christ loved the church, I need to put her
needs above my own needs, and use the time we have
together to meet those needs.
                             -When was the last time you finished dinner  - you were full and
 desiring to take a nap, but thought to yourself: 
What does my wife need right now?   
                   2.  Right Priorities
                             -A Godly husband understands priorities of God, wife, children,
church, others.  In that order!
                             -And he uses his time accordingly.
                             -Men have a million things that they get preoccupied with.
                                      -Fishing, the game, work, the kids, the house, friends.
 
 
                             -We all have vowed to love and cherrish our wife . . . . but if we
 totalled up the time you spend in any given day,
how much could you use as evidence
that you do love and cherrish her?
Does your husbanding pass the test of Eph 5:1-2?
“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering
and sacrifice to God.”
          -You might say, PJ that’s too high a standard, I can’t do it.
       -It’s not only high, its an impossible standard.
                   -But that standard drives us to our knees to seek after God’s grace.
-That standard keeps us humble enough to stay focused on our own sin
 rather than getting fixated on our wife’s sin.
                   -That standard drives us to seek after our wives forgiveness
because we definitely all fall short.
          -A Godly husband is to be seeking after God’s complete power and growing to
 love their wives as Christ loves his church.
 
          -A Godly Wife complement her husband as they love by. . .  
X  Wife  -  Respecting Her Husband
          -In the context of how the church respects it’s Savior, Eph 5:33 says
          “the wife must respect her husband.”
-Now, we all already know that your husband is not Jesus.
-But does that mean you can dis-regard this command to respect him?
                             -No, to dis-respect him would be sin on your part and will result
in degrading or destroying the relationship that you seek. 
                             -In practice, although he may have done something (or a lot of
 things) that have not earned your respect and have hurt the
 relationship, your dis-respect only adds to the evil in
the relationship and brings the storm clouds.
                             -As you answer God’s call to respect your husband, you shine the
                                      glory of God into your relationship and it’s blinding.
                   -You may be smarter, better spoken, more schooled, better looking,
and superior to your husband in everyway, but it’s God who has
        given your husband the possition of leading you and the family.
                             -My son is the smarter and more talented than many who
outrank him in the Marines, just ask me -
      but that doesn’t change the respect he shows to them.
 
 
          X  What Respect Looks Like.                
-As the church of Jesus Christ, we proclaim Christ.
          -We work to place Jesus in the best possible light.
          -That happens in both our words and actions.
X  Speak well of him.
          -Speaking well of your husband means that you work hard to place
 him in the best possible light.
          -We already know your husband is a sinner - just as you are -
                   but it doesn’t need to be broadcast to anyone who will listen.
 
          -You may be smarter and more gifted than he is, and you should use
those abilities to complement him, not upstage him
          -By broadcasting his shortcomings, you be-little him and dis-respect
 him and diminish his ability to lead you.
                   -Which in the long run will come back to hurt you.
                   -Just as Jesus said in Matt 7
                             “just as you judge - you will be judged”
                   -As you lower your husband, you lower yourself.
-There is no Godliness in disrespect.
-Instead, lift your husband with your words and actions
and God will be exalted. . . . and He promises to lift up
the humble.
X  Speak well to him.
-Sarcasism, put downs, impatient - short responses, and nagging
 are all in the category of dis-respect.
                             -Eph 4:29 speaks to us in how we are to speak to our husbands.
-It instructs us how to respect another person - who is
          created in God’s image whether they act like it or not.
                                      “do not let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
       -I don’t know why it’s this way, but we are usually more polite to
strangers than to those who we are in the closest
 relationships with.
          -The motive for that is that we want to look good in strangers eyes,
                   but our spouse already knows us, so we think we can speak
 dis-respectfully to them.
          -Sin never is logical!
-So when you speak to your husband, speak words that are kind and peace
 loving . . .  words that are motivated for your love for him
and that build him up.
 -There is a reason that football teams have cheer leaders.
-Part of the curse is the passivity of husbands and they often need
that motivation to do what they are supposed to do.
          -To know that someone is cheering for them.
-Wives, learn how to praise your husband - in so doing, you will grow to
          be a wife of noble character.
 
          -A question that I know you are dying to ask: PJ, my husband is not Jesus,
what do I do when he sins?
          X  Hold Fast
              X To Your God
                     -Remember that God is good and that God can use your sin
and even your husband’s sin for good.
                        Pattern in God’s Word.
                             -Matt 7 - taking the plank out of your eye - applies.
                                      -So deal with your part and seek his forgiveness.
-And because of the cross and it’s cost to our Savior, to just put up
 with his sin would be dis-respecting him as a child
of God and dis-respecting his possition.
                             -Then Matt 18 comes into play and you approach your husband
                                      gently (Gal 6) with a loving desire to restore him to Christ.
                             -That would be respectful of your husband and his position.
                             -All that includes God into the circumstance
and gives God the authority that He deserves.
-Remember that God is using your spouse to paint
          His character into your life and in your marriage.
                             -So hold fast to your God and trust in Him.
              X To Your Husband
                     -Genesis 2 speaks of husband and wife as one flesh.
                                       - loyalty, devotion, affection, respect.
                                       -Glued boards rip the wood apart when seperated.
                                      -That is just what happens in a marriage that is pulled apart.
                                      -I have walked through many broken marriages and families
                                                and I can tell you that they are extremely painful.
                             -Hold fast to your husband.
                             Proverbs 12:4
                             “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,  (Prov. 31)
                                 but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”
 
                             -That speaks of her disrespect thatwill paralyze his ability to lead
 and will be of extreme disappointment and loss
of motivation to him.
                             -Some of you may need to ask yourself if your husbands failure to
 lead and serve and provide are partly due to not following
 Chirst in your lack of respect for him.
 
X  Roles of Husband and Wife are compementary and bring oneness
in the marriage.
                   -Lead - submit, serve - help, provide - respect.
                   -And the better those roles are lived out, the more the relationship
                             grows in the “one flesh” marriage that God intends it to be.
                   -And the opposite is also true.
                             -As we re-define the roles and take on the world’s standards,
                                      less oneness develops.                                 
                    X  As we do that we mix all the primary colors and their complements.
                   -The resulting color that is developed in the marriage is WHITE.
                   -The Light of the World has come to manifest himself in our marriage,
                             and his bright, wonderful, radiant, warm, love for his church
is refelcted for all the world to see.
                             -God is painting his character into our lives.
                   -And as you grow in your roles as husband and wife,
 you will experience God’s dream for your marriage.
 
          ONENESS!

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